Humor: December 2006 Archives

My wife sent this to me:



Scenario: Jack pulls into school parking lot with rifle in gun rack.



1973 - Vice Principal comes over, takes a look at Jack's rifle, goes to his car and gets his to show Jack.



2006 - School goes into lockdown, FBI called, Jack hauled off to jail and never sees his truck or gun again. Counselors called in for traumatized students and teachers.



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Scenario: Johnny and Mark get into a fist fight after school.



1973 - Crowd gathers. Mark wins Johnny and Mark shake hands and end up best friends. Nobody goes to jail, nobody arrested, nobody expelled.



2006 - Police called, SWAT team arrives, arrests Johnny and Mark, charge them with assault, both expelled even though Johnny started it.



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Scenario: Jeffrey won't be still in class, disrupts other students.



1973 - Jeffrey sent to office and given a good paddling by

Principal. Sits still in class.



2006 - Jeffrey given huge doses of Ritalin. Becomes a zombie. School gets extra money from state because Jeffrey has a disability.



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Scenario: Billy breaks a window in his father's car and his Dad gives him a whipping.



1973 - Billy is more careful next time, grows up normal, goes to college, and becomes a successful businessman.



2006 - Billy's Dad is arrested for child abuse. Billy removed to foster care and joins a gang. Billy's sister is told by state psychologist that she remembers being abused herself and their Dad goes to prison. Billy's mom has affair with psychologist.



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Scenario: Mark gets a headache and takes some headache medicine to school.



1973 - Mark shares headache medicine with Principal out on the smoking dock.



2006 - Police called, Mark expelled from school for drug violations. Car searched for drugs and weapons.



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Scenario: Mary turns up pregnant.



1973 - 5 High School Boys leave town. Mary does her senior year at a special school for expectant mothers.



2006 - Middle School Counselor calls Planned Parenthood, who

notifies the ACLU. Mary is driven to the next state over and gets an abortion without her parent's consent or knowledge. Mary given condoms and told to be more careful next time.



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Scenario: Pedro fails high school English.



1973 : Pedro goes to summer school, passes English, goes to college.



2006 : Pedro's cause is taken up by state democratic party. Newspaper articles appear nationally explaining that teaching English as a requirement for graduation is racist. ACLU files class action lawsuit against state school system and Pedro's English teacher. English banned from core curriculum. Pedro given diploma anyway but ends up mowing lawns for a living because he can't speak English.



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Scenario: Johnny takes apart leftover firecrackers from the 4th of July, puts them in a model airplane paint bottle, blows up a red ant bed.



1973 - Ants die.



2006 - BATF, Homeland Security, FBI called. Johnny charged with domestic terrorism, FBI investigates parents, siblings removed from home, computers confiscated, Johnny's Dad goes on a terror watch list and is never allowed to fly again.



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Scenario: Johnny falls while running during recess and scrapes his knee. He is found crying by his teacher, Mary. Mary, hugs him to comfort him.



1973 - In a short time Johnny feels better and goes on playing.



2006 - Mary is accused of being a sexual predator and loses her job. She faces 3 years in State Prison.



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Now, is there anyone who believes any of these 2006 resolutions are preferable to the comparable one of 1973?



Perhaps we can start restoring some sanity in 2007?



HAPPY NEW YEAR!